A healthy process for working through anger, confusion, and frustration in your relationship with God

Content Warning: This post addresses difficult emotions like anger and frustration with God. If you’re in a very raw emotional place in your deconstruction journey, you might want to bookmark this and return when you feel more ready to engage with these concepts.

When Faith Feels Complicated

I need to be honest with you: I’m in a difficult season with God right now. There’s a lot going on, and every time I think I have God figured out, He changes on me. Or every time I feel like we’re really close and in communion with each other—like He’s looping me in on what’s happening—the tide changes and I feel completely lost again.

And I think that’s okay.

Here’s the thing: I’m trying to have a relationship with an entity that is nothing like me. I want Him to be like me. I want Him to operate like me, but He’s not me.

The Ocean Analogy: Understanding God’s Nature

I often compare God to the ocean because the ocean perfectly illustrates this dynamic relationship.

When you’re on the shore and it’s a beautiful beach day—the sun is shining, the weather is cooperating—you think, “This is fantastic. I love the ocean. I love the beach. I want to live here.”

Then a hurricane comes and destroys everything, and you’re like, “What the heck, ocean? I thought we were friends. I thought we were cool.”

But the ocean is so powerful. You can never have a homeostasis relationship with the ocean because it’s constantly changing. It’s not changing in the sense that it’s a different being—it’s changing in the way it operates its properties, and that makes it difficult to understand all the time because it’s a force made up of multiple movements that impact you differently based on what’s going on.

This is how I experience God: like Jane Goodall living with the monkeys. God is never going to be just like me. There are aspects of God I can relate to that feel very human-like, but He is not human. He is an entity, a source of creation that is bigger, wider, more powerful, and more complicated than “Jesus is my homeboy.”

The Most Difficult Emotions in Faith

The hardest emotions I experience with God are:

• Anger
• Confusion
• Frustration

Sometimes I feel like saying, “God, why couldn’t you just explain this to me? I’m cool with whatever you want to do most of the time. If only you would just explain: ‘This is going to happen because this needs to happen, and I need that to happen so this can happen.’ I’d be like, ‘Okay, cool. I’m down with that.’”

But He’s still God, and He doesn’t have to explain Himself to me.

The Authority Question

I know in our modern American life, we don’t like the idea of an authority figure not having to explain themselves—an authority figure just being able to call their shots without accountability. But God operates at a level of accountability, which is why He wants us to also operate with accountability.

The FIGHT Process: A Framework for Processing Emotions with God

When you want to “fight” with God, here’s a healthy process I’ve developed:

F – Face Your Feelings

What is it that you’re feeling? Bring those emotions to God or acknowledge them within yourself.

For example: “God, I am feeling pretty angry with you right now because I was under the impression that you were going to do X, Y, and Z, and you didn’t show up the way I thought you were going to. I’m really frustrated by that.”

I – Investigate Your Intentions

Why are you feeling this way? There’s legitimacy in your emotions—explore it.

For me, it was: “I really believed that God was going to show up a certain way because I needed Him to show up in a certain way, and He did not show up the way I wanted Him to. That was hurtful to me because I really, really, really needed Him to do that.”

But just because I need Him to do something doesn’t mean it’s necessary for my life in this season right now.

I – Investigate God’s Intentions

Consider the bigger picture. When God makes moves, He doesn’t just think about you. He thinks about the people around you. When He answers your prayers, it’s not just about answering your prayers—it’s about addressing the prayers and problems of the people around you.

God is always thinking big picture, and everyone is part of that big picture. We are all just one big jigsaw puzzle to Him.

Ask yourself:

• Maybe there’s a reason why God is doing this
• Can I accept that God has good intentions in this moment?
• What does this reveal about my true feelings about God?

G – Give It to God

Surrender everything to Him. You’re going to have to say: “God, listen. I am so angry with you right now. I am unhappy. I can’t believe you did this.”

One of the things that gives me comfort is that in Job, he tells God, “Yo bro, what the heck? Why are all these terrible things happening to me? I don’t understand. This is not fair. Why do you keep kicking me?”

In Lamentations, there’s a verse that says something like, “I am grapes that God keeps smashing into his winepress.” There are people who feel that way. I have felt that way—like God is just kicking me over and over again.

It’s okay to express these feelings to God.

H – Have Faith and Trust

This is where it gets really hard. You have to believe that everything is working out for your good and for the good of others, even if it doesn’t feel like it’s good, even if it doesn’t feel like it’s fair.

Even non-Christian motivational speakers emphasize how important it is to have the mindset that regardless of what’s happening to you—good or bad—it’s all happening for your good. These things are shaping and molding you to:

• Have the best life you can possibly have
• Become the best person you can possibly become
• Impact the people around you at a level you wouldn’t be able to if you hadn’t faced these things

T – Take a Seat

This is the hardest part. At the end of the day, God is God. He is the authority figure. He is the higher power. He is this force that you cannot be better than. You cannot be more right. You cannot be more just. You don’t have it in you.

If you think you do, I want you to take honest stock of your life. Take inventory of all the choices you’ve made. If you’ve ever gone through your life and never made a mistake, then either: A. You’re a narcissist, or B. That’s not true

We all make mistakes. We all have misjudged and miscalculated. So we can’t put on this front that “I could do this better than you” when our track record isn’t looking good either.

You have to take a seat and surrender that God is going to do what He needs to do, even if you don’t like it and even if you don’t agree with it.

Biblical Example: Eli’s Response

There’s a verse in 1 Samuel 3 where Samuel tells Eli that he heard from God and some terrible things are about to happen because Eli hasn’t been managing his position in the temple well, and his sons have been abusing their spiritual power in the community.

Eli’s response? “He is God. Let him do what he thinks is best.”

You have to arrive at that point. It’s not easy arriving at that point, especially when you face tragedy and trauma and terrible things have happened to you.

When Good Seems Impossible

You might be thinking, “How can this be good for me?” And you’re right—you’re absolutely right. How can this be good?

But good can still come from it.

Yes, things have been broken. Things have been ruined. You have been hurt so badly. People have abused you. But good can still come from that. It’s not over.

There is another day for things to get better. You have to keep that hope. You have to keep that optimism that it can get better. It will get better. Even if it doesn’t feel like it right now, one day it will because for everything there is a season.

The Cyclical Nature of Life

We see this in the universe, in the world, in everything around us. There are:

• Seasons of peace and seasons of war
• Seasons of abundance and seasons of famine
• Seasons of joy and seasons of sorrow

It’s all cyclical. It all goes around, but it all restores itself again.

Important Reminders for Your Journey

1. There’s No Timeline

You don’t have to have this figured out in five hours, five days, or five months. It’s a journey and a process, but you have to confront these feelings. Otherwise, they’re going to fester and ruin anything good that could come out of it in the end.

2. It’s Like Marriage

Just like in a marriage, when you have problems, it shows the reality of your relationship. You can face those things and help fix them, or you can sweep them under the rug and pretend they’re not there. But they are there, and you’re going to trip over them one day.

3. These Moments Reveal Truth

A lot of times, these difficult moments are helpful for bringing to light our true feelings about God. They’re opportunities for growth and deeper relationship, not reasons to give up.

Moving Forward

Whatever feelings you’re experiencing, walk through them using the FIGHT process:

1. Face your feelings
2. Investigate your intentions
3. Investigate God’s intentions
4. Give it to God
5. Have faith and trust
6. Take a seat and surrender

Remember, expressing anger, confusion, and frustration to God isn’t disrespectful—it’s honest. The Bible is full of people who wrestled with God and came out stronger for it.

Final Thoughts

This isn’t the most comfortable topic, but it’s an important one. Processing difficult emotions with God is part of a healthy spiritual life. It’s part of taking ownership of your faith and building a relationship that can withstand the storms.

Your anger with God doesn’t disqualify you from relationship with Him. Your questions don’t push you away from Him. Your struggles don’t make you less faithful.

They make you human, and God knows how to work with humans—even angry, confused, frustrated ones.

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What emotions are you processing with God right now? How has your relationship with God changed through difficult seasons? Remember, there’s no timeline for working through these feelings—be patient with yourself and the process.

If you’re walking through a particularly difficult season, consider reaching out to a trusted friend, counselor, or spiritual mentor who can support you through this process.

Related Posts:

You Are a Theologian: Understanding Christian Doctrine

What is Deconstruction? A Christian’s Guide

Essential Christian Beliefs: The Apostles’ Creed