If you’re questioning your faith, feeling disillusioned with church, or struggling to reconcile what you’ve been taught with what you believe, you’re not alone. Deconstruction doesn’t have to mean losing your relationship with God. In fact, it might be the very thing that brings you closer to Jesus than you’ve ever been.

Let me show you how to navigate this journey while keeping what matters most.

What Does It Mean to Deconstruct Your Faith?

First, let’s clarify something important: deconstruction and deconversion are not the same thing. Deconversion means leaving faith entirely. Deconstruction means examining the beliefs, systems, and traditions you’ve inherited to discover what’s true and what’s simply been added by human interpretation and religious culture.

You can absolutely lose your religion and keep your Jesus. I promise you, this is possible.

Step One: Identify Your Obstacles

The first step in deconstructing your faith is getting honest about what’s actually keeping you from loving and knowing God more deeply. Grab a journal and make a list. What are the real barriers between you and a genuine relationship with Jesus?

Is it the people at church who’ve hurt you? Is it the entanglement of politics and religion? Is it religious systems that prioritize rules over relationship? Is it how the Bible has been used as a weapon rather than a source of love and truth?

Write it all down. Every obstacle, every hurt, every question that keeps you up at night.

Step Two: Define Who Jesus Really Is

Now comes the crucial part. Set aside everything you’ve been told for a moment and ask yourself: who is Jesus really? Not whether you believe he’s divine or whether miracles are real. Just focus on this person and what he stood for.

Make another list. Who was this man? What did he care about? What did he fight for? What broke his heart? Who did he spend time with? What made religious leaders uncomfortable about him?

Would you want to know this person? Would you want to spend time with him? Is this someone worth following?

Be honest with yourself. How do you actually know what you know about Jesus? Have you inherited these beliefs, or have you discovered them for yourself?

Step Three: Compare the Lists

Here’s where things get interesting. Look at your obstacles list and your Jesus list side by side. Do they match up?

I’m willing to bet that most of the things keeping you from God have absolutely nothing to do with who Jesus actually was. You’re probably not thinking, “What really bothers me about Jesus is how much he loved poor people and healed the sick.” That’s ridiculous, right?

Most of our obstacles come from the factory settings of what the church has made Christianity to be, not from Christ himself.

Addressing the Painful Topics

Let’s talk about the elephant in the room. Maybe your obstacle is deeply personal. Maybe you’re gay and you’ve been told God can’t love you. Maybe you’ve been taught that who you are fundamentally disqualifies you from Jesus.

Let me be crystal clear: that’s not true. Anyone who tells you that because you’re gay you cannot have access to Jesus makes me want to kick them in the shin. That’s not who Jesus is.

Your relationship with God is between you and God. If you’re making decisions with genuine love for God in your heart, seeking to honor that relationship with integrity, how can you go wrong? The only caveat is this: you can’t claim to love God while deliberately harming others.

Step Four: Get Curious

You don’t have to have all the answers today. You don’t have to decide everything right now. Just get curious.

Get curious about how society has shaped your understanding of Jesus. Get curious about how American culture has influenced your theology. Get curious about what the church has added to the gospel message over centuries.

Peel away the layers. Scrape off the grime that everyone else has put on the surface. When you finally get to the truth of what God really is, you’ll see it clearly for the first time.

That’s when real faith begins.

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