Have you ever had a conversation where you realized you were giving advice for your own situation? You were sharing insight you needed to hear? That happened to me recently.

One night, I was putting my daughter to bed. She got emotional because she felt ashamed of herself. She thought she wasn’t as good at something as she wanted to be and knew too many people who were.

I told her a story. 

When I was in 6th grade, I had the chance to learn a language early, so I took French. In my freshman year of high school, my parents moved me to another school in another state. My French skills were so advanced they placed me with upperclassmen. I was doing so well I even tutored other kids in my class.

In my sophomore year, we moved back to my hometown. Again, I was so advanced in French the school didn’t know where to place me, so they put me in AP French class.

All of this sounds impressive, doesn’t it? The problem is they overshot by a lot.

Linguistically, I was probably a kindergartner. I could read, write, and speak French, but very basically. The kids in my class were closer to upper elementary or middle school level. In other words, I was way over my head.

During one of the assignments, we were supposed to read Albert Camus “The Stranger” In French. (Imagine giving this book in English to a Kindergartner.)

I had NO idea what was going on. Because I am a dinosaur, the internet wasn’t helpful enough to guide me. I’d try to read a chapter, we’d discuss it entirely in French, and I felt lost every class.

You’re Competing with Titans

The problem with this scenario is that it completely killed my confidence. I wish I could go back in time and tell my younger self, “Hey, Laura. You are just with a bunch of kids that are really good at this. It doesn’t mean that you suck or you should quit. It just means you are competing with titans.” I didn’t know that. I didn’t hear that, so I quit French. I really really really wish I hadn’t. (One day, I hope to learn how to read classic French literature in its original language and make up for this mistake from my past.)

I told my daughter that when we are with people who are better at something than us we have two options (a) give up and tell ourselves we suck, we are terrible humans, and we suck at life. (b) Raise the bar. Look at what the champs are doing and ask yourself, do you want do train hard enough to be as good as them? The answer to each questions just refines your desires, not your identity.

When we are faced with situations where we are placed with people that are better than us, all we have to do is decide how badly we want to work for the thing that came so easy. Every athlete, whether olympic or professional, has to constantly face people who are potentially better than them. Sometimes in general, and sometimes just that day. Some days you are just off, and your game is slipping. And that’s okay.

I told my daughter that she should be happy for her friends that are better at things than she is. Celebrate them! Celebrate yourself, because you can have that too, if you want it.

Slow Down and Enjoy the Ride

Most recently, I wanted to swim in a bigger pond with bigger fish. Why? Because I want to be one of those big fish. However, it didn’t work out. I was forced to stay in my pond. To be honest, I was resentful. But as I talked to my daughter, I realized what if God was protecting me from a situation that would have killed my drive like that French class did? What if swimming with big fish would have made me second-guess my ability to swim at all? Maybe I’m just not ready to swim like those fish yet.

But I can be. So can you. Whatever challenges you face, I want to remind you that you have what it takes to overcome them. All you have to do is want it enough to find a way through. It can be done. I promise you. If you keep showing up, it can be done.