My Campfire Christianity

On my journey from deconstruction to reconstruction, I’ve been trying to figure out where I fit in. I’d mentioned in a previous post, Grieving Old Beliefs: Embracing New Paths, that I am no longer sure what to do with my Sundays. 

I feel like I am supposed to go to Church because that’s what we do, but when I get there, it just doesn’t “sit.” I feel uncomfortable, out of place, and unsettled. I want to reiterate that I am not against organized religion. I often miss the formality and sanctity of mass or church, but I need something more. God is not my divorced dad: Weekend visits are not enough for me.

I’ve been trying to figure out what I need, and I think I have figured it out. It isn’t a community per se, because I have individuals who are struggling with their faith just as I am. It isn’t teaching and closeness to God, because I’ve reached a place where I can pick up The Bible and immediately receive revelation and instruction. Maybe it is worship? But I often find modern Christian music a little too manufactured.

I think I am looking for sincerity, intimacy, authenticity, simplicity, not performance. Perhaps a guy or girl with a guitar, no professional lighting or sound equipment. I want campfire Christianity.

I began to ask myself, Laura, how can you create this for yourself? How can you model this method for your faith life? Then I remembered the title of Leo Tolstoy’s book, “The Kingdom of God is Within You.” God is within me. I don’t need to search for him in a building or reach for him. He’s already within me.

I just need to get quiet, get still, and meditate on his presence, goodness, kindness, but mostly his love. Love is the bridge to the presence of God. Just as they say in meditations, reflecting on gratitude alters the chemistry of your brain. Reflecting on gratitude, love, and goodness will realign the soul with God. (As Paul says, “8 Finally, my brothers and sisters, always think about what is true. Think about what is noble, right and pure. Think about what is lovely and worthy of respect. If anything is excellent or worthy of praise, think about those kinds of things.” Phil 4:8)

I don’t know if this resonates with anyone else, but I do believe that setting aside a day each week to remind myself to surrender not just to the routine, but to the reality that my life is bigger than me. My world is bigger than my own. There is something deeper and wider, an ocean of compassion and love for others, a reverence for a higher, more intelligent power than my own. It is a place to humble my heart, my mind, my ego, my intellect, and surrender to a force that is bigger than me.