Have you ever hit that moment in life when you suddenly think, ” This is it; I refuse to keep going like this? Maybe you reached your breaking point and realized you simply couldn’t put up with it any longer. It can feel like a hidden switch flips inside you, and you make a decision you know you will never undo. I find these moments fascinating. It is as if life hands you a nonsense meter, and when it maxes out, you finally declare, enough is enough. I am finished.

I recently found myself at that exact crossroads. It hit me that I often leave my own needs behind. Standing up for others matters, but standing up for myself is just as vital to honoring what I truly need.

On this podcast, I often dive into the journey of deconstruction. I am convinced deconstruction isn’t a destination but an ongoing process. Even when I feel like my spiritual dust has finally settled, I catch myself unraveling old beliefs I thought I had already packed away. Lately, the idea of self-abandonment has been at the center of this inner work.

The church promotes a style of self-abandonment. Let’s unpack that. The church often urges you to let go of your questions, surrender your doubts, and hand authority over to its leaders. It asks you to ignore your instincts, turn away from your world, and trade your life now for a promise of heaven. It feels like the church is always trying to isolate, shield, and steer you toward an out-of-body reality. But this runs counter to what Jesus actually stands for. Let me explain.

When we listen to Jesus speak about God and the kingdom of heaven, his message rings out with a striking simplicity, sometimes even challenging what the church proclaims. He calls us to embrace five essential actions.

1. Let go of pride, ego, and the endless chase for power and praise.
2. Step away from the world’s snares and competitions, refusing to play the endless games of fame and success.
3. Release your grip on safety, security, and the comforts offered by earthly treasures and rulers.
4. Move through the world as sheep among wolves, wise as serpents yet gentle as doves.
5. Be the salt and light. 

But Laura, Jesus says, “Then Jesus told his disciples, “If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow me.” Mt 16:24 **P.s. If you have ever wondered why I sprinkle in scripture or toss a bone to the fundamentalists, it is because they are my fiercest critics, always circling my content, eager for a debate.**

If we take this whole chapter into context, realize that at the very beginning the Pharisees and the Sadducees are fighting with Jesus, and demanding he prove himself. They wanted him to prove that he was really from God. In the rest of the chapter, a few other things happen. Jesus calls the teachings of the religious leaders “leaven,” Peter proclaims Jesus is who he says he is, Jesus predicts his death and resurrection, and then ends the chapter with picking up your cross.

Now, back to my target audience who is wincing at all the Bible talk.

If we look at the whole chapter, it opens with the Pharisees and Sadducees clashing with Jesus, pressing him to prove he is truly from God. As the chapter unfolds, Jesus warns that the religious leaders’ teachings are like leaven, Peter boldly declares Jesus’ true identity, Jesus foretells his death and resurrection, and the chapter closes with a powerful call to pick up your cross. If all this Bible talk makes you uneasy, stay with me. Because I am still on your side with this conversation.

Jesus paints a vivid picture: the bread the religious leaders offer is puffed up with the leaven of their teachings. They are handing out type of “bread,” much like God did for the Israelites and Jesus for his disciples. But what truly makes bread rise —what fills it with life and meaning, even as Jesus himself rises like dough—is God’s touch at the center, not the work of human hands.

To me, taking up the cross means embracing a spiritual life that no religious system can truly nourish, understand, regulate or predict. After all, which Pharisee or Sadducee would personally take one for the Gentile team?

Fundamentalists may argue with this rhetoric and call it false teaching. Still, I find it fascinating that the people who should have understood God the most (the religious leaders) understood Jesus the least.